Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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