I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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