I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Randomize
