I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
