You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
