When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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