Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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