the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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