Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
