Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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