You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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