I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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