she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
