How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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