Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
