Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
