It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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