You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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