Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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