Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
