I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
