You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
