Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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