Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
