You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
