I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Randomize
