one two three fourrrrnication!
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
