did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
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