Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Randomize
