At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
