Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
