Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
