You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
