went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
