I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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