I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
