Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
