OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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