just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
