lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
How naked do you want me to be?
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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