Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
