Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Randomize
