you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
All I want is dick and wine.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
