My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
