I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
