I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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