yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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