Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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