So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
