the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
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