I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize