Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Randomize
