i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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