Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
