I want to have your abortion
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Even my vagina gasped.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
