there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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