I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Randomize