Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
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