we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
