Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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