im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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