I seem to have left my pride at pride
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
The best revenge is premature balding
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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