Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
