I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
