Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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