that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
