I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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