I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Randomize
