why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
