All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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