Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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