remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize