did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
