So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
