I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
