He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
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