Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Use "feeling words"
Yay
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
