Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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