I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize