Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(904): View more from Florida

I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me

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(847): View more from Illinois

Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess

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(647): View more from Ontario

Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night

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(830): View more from Texas

Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.

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(703): View more from Virginia

I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.

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(907): View more from Alaska

i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.

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(503): View more from Oregon

He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..

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(903): View more from Texas

making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.

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(317): View more from Indiana

The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum

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