You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
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